“You don’t talk much, do you?” asked one of the three girls I’m bunking in with for the night
I was seventeen, just three months in college and already out on a mandatory study trip in Manila and Cavite respectively, for a class I wasn’t even too keen about.
I flashed an awkward smile. Inside my head, I thought of home and how I yearned to be in a comfortable space to myself or with the heartening presence of either my small circle of close friends or family. Instead, I was in a company of people I barely know, in an environment with an excess of stimulation. A deep sense of frustration in me followed.
“She doesn’t talk much” said the girl once more, this time turning to the other 2 in our quad-sharing hotel room.
This, coming from someone who only had been with me in the same room for not less than 3 minutes, what a one-dimensional remark, I thought. Without having the impulse to defend myself, I sat on my side of the bed, fiddling with my cell phone {a Siemens A36!}, pre-Facebook/Twitter era.
“You know, it’s the quiet ones you have to watch out for...” she said matter-of-factly.
If we were on some sort of suspense film, I was the most likely person inside the room that might come flying out of left field with a dark sneaky plot, violent even and get everyone without warning. After all, it’s always the quiet ones, isn’t it?
“… we have no slightest clue what’s going on inside that head” the assuming girl continued.
“What? I’m some kind of a psycho, now? Great.” I said thought to myself, still fiddling with my phone as I held back a chuckle. Inside, I knew that was my cue. So, onto my feet I stood, put my phone inside the patch pocket of my jeans, quite set to give this girl a piece of my mind, when a knock on the door stopped me even before I had the chance to speak. One of the girls rushed to open it and outside, my friend, Mina stood, all bright and breezy.
“NATHANIE!” she called excitedly.
“I already talked to Mrs. Yanga. You’re bunking in with us!” delight was in her voice.
In that moment, relief washed over me. In haste, I gathered all my things, went with Mina and didn’t look back.
I always knew right from the beginning that I’m an introvert, what I didn’t know was, there’s nothing wrong with being one. I used to tell my teenage self that maybe if I look people in the eye, then maybe, just maybe, they wouldn’t think I’m an anti-social or a snob. I mean, I can’t expect people to reach out to me if I won’t reach out to them, right? But, what if interaction, for the sake of interaction, is a lot less appealing for me and that genuine connection matters than mere social pleasantries? This made college a very challenging undertaking for me. I felt like I was being forced out of the turtle shell of my mind in to an extrovert-infested pool of a new social scene and being frowned upon when I can’t seem to keep up with all those ‘ice breaker games’ and ‘getting to know you’ activities.
Fast-forward to present and I still get those kinds of notions from other people, to be labeled as someone who isn’t nice or isn’t friendly is just that easy. It takes a little while for me to befriend someone but it doesn’t mean I’m socially inept or that I hate people. I do like people and I like socializing but in different ways extroverts do and when I come to a point where I’ve stretch my social stamina, I look forward to restoring my energy by basking in solitude: at home, on my bed with either a book on my hand or my trusty MacBook on my lap, reading blogs and articles that appeal to me, coffee cup on my hand.
On the surface, I may appear reserved and seemingly indifferent with those around me, but that’s just my natural instinct telling me to focus, listen and process things internally, making mental notes as to what stirs people’s mind. In my soul, I can be fun to be around too, easily amused and a bit crazy as anybody else. I think it's silly for someone to tell me to overcome introversion. Like, how do you even do that? All I could ever do is to be as transparent as I can be about my introversion, in hope that some people could be more understanding towards my, as I was told, seemingly peculiar traits and at the same time, connect with my fellow introverts {and pursue world domination! Kidding!}. Over the course of time, I managed to cope in situations that entail extroverted behavior while still remaining true to myself. I'm confident in my introvertness and I feel just fine for being one.
